Working Code: Hide and Seek

There is an adage in the Emergency Medical Services (EMS) that states, "At the scene of an accident if nobody there is drunk, somebody is missing." There have been more than a few occasions where there have been missing pieces to the scene puzzle.

Act One

We arrived on the scene of a motor vehicle crash to find there was no patient. Witnesses living along that dark road reported seeing the vehicle traveling at a high rate of speed before skidding off the road and slamming into the trees that lined the roadway. They immediately called 9-1-1, and numerous red and blue flashing lights and sirens converged on the scene. But there was no driver or victim found. This is not unusual, as intoxicated, underaged, or unlicensed drivers will run from a crash even if injured. Car thieves and undocumented aliens will do so as well. Even head-injured patients have wandered confusedly away. So, after an unrewarding cursory search of the area, most units marked back in service. Troopers called us back two minutes after finding the driver – 15 feet up in a tree, unceremoniously impaled on a branch. On return, it was clear our services the driver did not need our services, and the fire department started rigging for the recovery.

Act Two

One cold, dark, and rainy night, the dispatcher sent us to the scene of an overturned car submerged in the deep ditch that divides the wide grassy median on a main highway. The crash was unwitnessed, and the vehicle was cold, implying that the car had been in the water for an extended time before discovery. The roof was crushed flat to the sedan's body, and only a narrow strip of the undercarriage remained above the water. The tow truck driver had hooked on to the suspension to right and drag the car from the water. As we stood on the muddy embankment awaiting the extraction, we heard a faint, "Hey-y-y!" Arms waving to the wrecker driver, we jumped into the flowing water and listened again. Another "Hey-y-y!" came from inside the upside-down car. I yelled, "Are you hurt?" "Nope," came the reply, "I'm fuckin' cold!" After the fire department heavy rescue stabilized and carefully rolled the vehicle, the soaked and very intoxicated driver climbed from the door we pried open. He was unhurt and quite put out with the situation. "I turned when I saw the sign for the road I needed, and I ended up in the ditch," he complained. "I'm from Ohio, and when there is a sign for a road, you turn! Right there!" The trooper looked up from his clipboard and drawled, "Hmm. Here in Texas, we generally wait and turn where there's a road."

Act Three

The patient was still in his predicament when we parked the ambulance at the quarry. A passerby had, against the odds, spotted our gentleman suspended upside down by his ankle, swaying some 40 feet in the air at the end of a gravel escalator. The pumper's spotlight gave him the appearance of an escape artist about to escape his straight jacket and reappear, standing next to us. That was not the situation, however. It required the fire truck to extend its ladder underneath him and the firefighters to lift and unhook him. His foot was entangled in a strap that saved him from plunging into the gravel lot below. He had climbed up to the top of the machine but slipped off the end when he sat down. Fortunately, a strap caught his ankle, so he did not go far. His friend did the right thing and ran off, leaving him dangling for a couple of hours. He ended up with a very swollen foot and some bruises but was otherwise unhurt. He had a perfectly rational explanation for why he was up there. "I'm just an ol' country boy," he said, "Lookin' for a quiet place to sit and think."

Epilogue

A lot of us have ended up in the right place at the wrong time. Or we have ended up in the wrong place at the right time. Or the wrong place at the wrong time – I’m not sure which is worse! The news is full of unexpected tragedy and freak accidents. We are captivated by those stories! When a person escapes one of those situations, it’s newsworthy, too. When that happens, however, our paths do not cross. It’s only the hapless that end up in the ambulance, the emergency department, or the morgue. Fascination with morbid events spawned thousands of podcasts and this collection is no different. We do have to remember that each story affected real people and real families. I am not making light of them personally, but just displaying the plethora of strange situations we in the emergency services system encounter every day. I am personally guilty of telling “war stories” among my community of providers and following theirs up with one of my own. Each of us has followed someone’s story with, “Oh, yeah? That’s nothing. There was this one time, at 3 a.m….” To be honest, I want to hear those stories!

If you have a story to tell, send it to me in a message and I may use it in the future. I want this to be the best repository of “there was this one time, at 3 a.m. …” stories on the planet.